The ever lovely Baino asked the other day “What’s the difference between a ginger and a red head?”

Poor, poor Baino.  But I suppose she’s not alone.  So I shall educate the masses and describe in as much detail as I know how, the main differences between a ginger (ghing-er) and a red head.

Ok, basically in a nutshell here it is.

A man will knowingly stick his length of loveliness inside a red head, no questions asked.  Faced with a ginger however, and a man’s member will shrivel making it near umpossible for them to fornicate with said hell serpent.  This leaves only ginger men left, as the laws of nature surely dictate that no women of ginger stature shall produce further ginger babies.  This is of course unless they are cunning enough to seduce the less picky of the sexual world like clowns, who always love a laugh. Many’s a time they’ve toured the country seeking out the ginger women and getting freaky circus style on their asses.  When they can’t find a ginger woman, they whack off thinking about them.  Some of them even wish they were ginger, hence the bright red hair and wigs and make up that tries to distract away from the evil commie ways of the ginge.

Ginger men are the scourge of all that is evil, for they carry the demon seed.  Some women are weak to the wiley ways of the ginger man.  They promise the women that they won’t spill their ginger seed inside their bellies, but just like that freaky dream scene from The Fly you’ll soon end up squeezing out a throbbing, slimy screaming larva of ginger evil.

When a ginger man and a ginger woman were to get together, the world would implode in a mess of ginger pubes and more bright, day-glow nipples than you could shake a freckle at.

Part of the Geneva convention was to outlaw ginger to ginger fluid exchange, just in case.  They slipped up though and missed two gingers defying the laws of biology in Mexico, and we have the swine flu.  That’s right, gingers caused the swine flu, the runny nosed oinking fucks.

Now, red heads on the other hand.

Red heads are angels on earth, they were sent here by the baby Jesus as gifts for all the things we ever did right in the world.  While clowns are busy dressing up like blind trannies Twink, real men are slipping into a snug and warm red head.

When you look at a red head as she confidently strolls down the street in her stilettos and trouser suit on her way to her “Kill the gingers meeting” you can’t help but think what nasty things you’d like to do to her.  And you know that she’d let you too, because that’s the way of the red head.  Gingers are too hung up on boundaries, chaffing and legalities to get down and dirty, this is their major evil trait.

A red head’s vagina looks cuter than a teddy bear rimming a puppy and feels softer than a marshmallow handjob.

Words cannot express just how much I love red heads, but my actions speak louder than words ever could which is why I travel the world offering toe jobs to each and every one.

If any of you are still unsure of what a ginger and a red head are and why they are so different, here are some visual aids to assist you.

Ginger

Red Head.

Case.  Closed.

The immortal words of someone who has infected you.

I worked a wedding at the weekend and it turns out that the Best Man had just come back from a back packing trip to Mexico.

The reason I found that out is because the boss called me to say that said Best Man called the bride and groom to say he wasn’t feeling well and called his doctor.  They sent samples away and they’re awaiting the results.  In the meantime I have to spend money on poxy tests because of some other cunts neglegence.

Stands to reason that my nose is running non stop now and I’m feeling a little flushed.

I’ve got the Swine flu.

Either that,or it’s the hotter than fuck curry I’m having.

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

This was in an email I got last night and it is quite interesting.

I thought I’d use it to help you loyal but guilt ridden readers.  I know most of you feel a little bit of guilt for reading some of the filth and smut on here.  But now it won’t show up on work computer filters and let you through.

So here’s a little dream I had the other night.

I was at a bolg ptray and I was intodruced to a lot of bglogers taht I h’dnat met boerfe.  Now tihs bneig me, I olny dmreat of the fmelae brlgoges and bsaucee I had neevr met tehm beorfe my mnid had to tkae smoe lirebties wtih smoe deitals.

Frist of all, tehy wree all lenbias, but oloy in my abcenese.  Wehn I sohewd up tehy wnet bi utnil it cmae tiher trun to hvae a jnat on my lvoe pmup.  It was garet.  Ervneyoe was a rdeahed, even tohse taht I hvae met and are not rael red hdeas.  They all had ogramss tgrough toe snckiug and tehir mian scuroe of sutsenacne was my nut bettur.

I tihnk it may hvae setmmed form wehn I qtiue llteraity cmae asrocs Elgisnh Mum’s bolg and this picture of her mlif tsatic slef.

Atfer the darem I wkoe up in a sea of saewt and sinemal filud.  I was sutck to ethinveryg, my bxoers, my shtees and my merttass.  I pabrobly enyojed the draem so mcuh taht I wlil nveer pdrocue slogpoe eevr aagin.  Ilsa Fershi’s Teos wlil hvae to get an IOU nxet tmie I ulnaod all oevr tehm.

Awanyy, Enlisgh Mum ddni’t look lkie waht I imegnied, I neevr tgouhtt taht she was so boneffric and for smoe rosean knid of fugreid taaht she may hvae been a lttlie bckuttoohed.

Trnus out she may jsut be fkcuing Gofoey.

For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, our little competition with the lovely people of Sex-toys.ie has been running since the start of the year.

and the winner this month is….

K8 the Gr8 with her insatiable appetite for pussy.  But it’s ok, she felt a little guilty about it.  Don’t worry K8, it’s completely natural to experiment.

As always huge thanks to the wonderful people over here who give the winner a special prize for their efforts.

If you want in, either get thinking and unleash the inner filth monger or nominate someone else and you could still be in with the chance to win.

Congrats K8.

Everyone else, the countdown is on for next month.

It’s simple to enter, you can fill in the form or just scribble something out and link it back to me, I’ll find it eventually.

Filthy Butt Fun Award

It’s been a little while since I announced a new monthly incentive for you to get filthy for a prize.

I have had quite a few entries, more than I thought I would to be honest and most of the entries I’ve had have been right filth.  Kudos.

Some people think they will get credit for refreshing my memory of my own past work but that’s flat out cheating and I will take you out back, bend you over and test out my new sandpaper dildo and vinegar lube if you keep that up.

Don’t think you’re filthy enough?  That’s crap too, we all have the potential to be mank bags.  Embrace it.

If you spot something else that might be up my street, nominate it.  You might win a prize just for bringing it to my attention.

Have a go.

To whet your appetite, have a scour of the lovely people sponsoring the whole thing OVER HERE and have a look at what you could win.  Depending on how filthy the piece is, you may just get to choose your own prize.*

The first ever winner will be announced during the week and will receive their prize shortly after.

Get to it, filth mongers.

* (T & C’s) Depending on how much of a horn it gives me and the sponsors.