An educational film brought to you by Darragh Doyle and I.

I think it’s fair to say who won that round.

Right, it’s that time of the month again.

I’m in the generous kind of mood and want to give away a €50 voucher along with my Filthy Butt Fun friends over at www.sex-toys.ie.

Last month I asked you for a dirty poem or a limerick and I got loads of rather spiffing entries.

This month, I need you to put your creative hats back on and come up with a brand new sex position and/or act.

You are all filthier than I or even yourselves give credit for, so I know you are all quite familiar with what a few of the more popular ones are:

Tea bagging – This is where the lovely lady friend would be on her back and her gentleman caller would straddle her face and dangle his conkers over her face.  It is then usually customary for the woman to cup them in her mouth and engage in a process of sucking said conkers until otherwise instructed.  Huzzah!

The Dirty Sanchez – Finger up the bum which is then wiped across the top lip of the recipient, giving the look of a stereotypical mexican mustache, hence the creative title.

The Rusty Trombone – A man will stand with his legs open at shoulder width and his partner (can be another man if feeling cosmopolitan about it) will then carry out a splendious duo of simultaneous rim job and hand job.  The more experienced dirtbag can then upgrade and include some tea bagging too.  This then means that the act must be re-named to the Rus-tea Trombone.  Mega.

Here are a couple I’ve researched of the inter highway:

The Pirate – Doing a girl doggie style, pull out, spit on her back so she thinks that you blew your load.  This should cause her to turn around in the hope for some gay cuddling, but instead you spud in her eye then kick her in the shin.  If done right, she’ll need an eye patch and a crutch for a day or two.  Aaaarrrrr!

The White Dragon – While receiving oral pleasure from your woman, or cosmopolitan other, you crack a joke just as you’re blowing your muck.  If you have the comic and orgasmic timing right, she should laugh reversing her swallow reflex and causing a white gush out of each nostril.

And now one that I’ve come up with all on my own:

The Little Miss Muffet – With a woman who won’t swallow your offerings?  Make her breakfast in bed, but not before you turn her cornflakes into Frosties.  She’ll eat your curds and whey whether she likes it or not.

And now it’s over to you.  Make up your very own sex act or position, and win a €50 voucher for goodies.

Leave it in the comments, I’ll announce the winner a week from today.

Get to it, you creative bunch of filth mongers.