Drew Barrymore

Remember E.T.?

Sure you do.

Remember that weird glowy red finger he had?

Sure you do.

Remember when little Drew Barrymore cried because E.T died or some shit?

Sure you do.

She was probably better off any way, my hunch is that the little wrinkled pervert was waiting to spring from a pile of stuffed toys to give her a right proper “ouch” with that big dildo finger of his.

She’s all grown up now and with no weird alien anal probings in sight, she’ll have to settle for what I have that’s red and throbbing.

Ladies and Gentlepervs, I give you this week’s wank:

Drew Barrymore.

Look at that and try to deny yourself a session of fisting your mister.

Now, normally when a man hears that a woman is in her flowers, it’s enough to bring on a case of the gettafucks, but boys, Drew’s in her flowers, jump right in.  Don’t worry about the hayfever, or the mucus, it won’t be long before you’re covering her in a different kind of bodily fluid.  Cock mucus.

Look at her there with that cheeky grin.  Know why it’s cheeky?  Because what you can’t see in that picture is that she’s taken to those already skimpy panties with a scissors and strategically made them a pair of crotchless.  Now I know what you’re thinking.  Why not just take them off instead of ruining a perfectly good pair of worn knickers when you can always put them on Ebay?  What can I say, it makes her feel less of a whore when she’s playing “Find the wine bottle”.

Look at her there on the rocks by the beach.  Nice.  The one thing about Ms Barrymore is that she doesn’t like sex on the beach as the bits get everywhere and make it chafe, but I’d let her do anything to me on the sand.  Fuck it, if she wanted to take a bit handful of that sand and mix it with her trusty tube of Vaseline, lube up the teeny weeny of Lady GaGa and have her give me a stiff portion, I’d do it.  I’d also like to crawl into her back passage like a hermit crab and wear her as my hat.

You’re right, that’s too far.  I look terrible in hats.

Nice shoes.  They won’t be on for long though, not if my need for inhaling her scent has anything to do with it.  Then just when she can’t take anymore of my erotic teasing, I’ll make her wank me off into her left shoe while I eat the right one out.  After she has satisfied me, she will be satisfied as a woman should be when she satisfies her man.  Then she’ll make me a sandwich.

Her blouse doesn’t fit properly, oh dear what a pity, never mind.  It just gives easy access for motorboating those eraser nippled bad boys.  That’s a cute butterfly, isn’t it?  That’s a sex butterfly.  Don’t ask me why or how, just take my word for it.  It’s a sex butterfly and only a certain number of people have them.  As for the colour of her finger nails?  That’s not her being rebellious or anything, it’s purely an aesthetic thing.  Ordinarily when a girl has my nuts in a choke hold while massaging my prostate it’s so humdrum.  Black finger nails just add a kinky air, don’t you agree?

She simply is beautiful and this picture just accentuates it.  That face, those eyes, those lips, those toes.  The ass, boobs, and everything else you can’t see.  Plus I bet she’s just a super person on the inside too, all moist.  None of that would matter because by the time I’d be finished with her she’d look like a Nick Nolte mug shot walking like John Wayne.

Til next time…