Blocked
You know what I hate?
When bloggers blog about the fact that they’ve nothing to blog about.
That’s what I’m doing here.
I don’t know if I should blog about the fact that today I was turned on by an old woman in sandals today, just because she had painted toes.
I don’t know if I should blog about the spam comments I get from people informing me of pre-teen sex web cams. It just makes me feel wrong, especially since none of them are a day under 14. Do I have a case for false advertising?
I don’t know if I should blog about how I’m toying with the idea of doing a stand up gig (or at least trying it out) following the egging on from a friend who is an actual stand up comic. I’d hate to be one of those people like on X Factor who think they can sing because their nan thinks they’re the dog’s bollocks, then turn out to be a complete tool. Because I would cry and shout at the audience.
I don’t know if I should blog about how infrequent my erections are becoming these days. I mean the sex web cams nearly had me, but they’re lying cunts. But at least I have a semi.
I don’t know if I should blog about how I wish I lived in a soap opera and once, just once I’d be standing in the lobby of the hotel to receive a call that the bride never showed up for the wedding, giving me a day off.
I don’t know whether or not to blog about the fact that I’ve been blogging for nearly three years and have just over 400 posts. Surely I should have more than that. Ok, so this is post number 424, but still.
I don’t know if I should blog about how itchy my chest is after that nurse shaved it last week. Although I kind of already did.
I don’t know if I should blog about my plans for time travel just so I can go back to anytime in the past and suck my own cock. I mean if you could, you would but I don’t fancy having a few ribs removed. I could try Yoga to learn to bend, but it’s so small I’d basically have to be able to lick my own arse at that rate. Which is also another point in the “pro” list for time travel. But would it be self love, abuse of time travel or incest?
Dunno, I’ll have something to blog about tomorrow. Maybe.
Comments (8)
Fat Sparrow
October 30th, 2009 at 4:49 am
I think I blogged maybe 4 times in the past 2 years. I really can’t be arsed looking. But you’re way ahead of me (cold comfort, I’m sure).
That chest thing sucks. I had to have a Holter monitor attached for 2 days, and they didn’t find out a thing, either, except that when you attach an electrode under the tatas of a woman who wears a size GG bra, and it’s 100+ degrees out, said electrodes are not going to stick. And also, when you tell a woman who has size GG norks that she cannot wear a bra with said electrodes, even though she has to go out in public, well, that woman is going to pitch a hissy.
But at least they didn’t have to shave my chest. Once, however, I did shave my entire minge and it itched so bad that I not-so-surreptitiously resorted to scratching it in public, and everyone at my office probably thought I had crabs.
Well, there’s your semi gone.
Radge
October 30th, 2009 at 8:56 am
I have roughly 124 drafts about not blogging. Generally drafts, though sometimes they creep into publication. This said it all better than I’ve managed. When the comedy? I’d probably go. And heckle.
Chris P Pancake
October 30th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Yeah Maxi, do the stand-up.
Do the stand-up.
Do the stand-up.
PS
That Fat Sparrow is after giving me a semi.
Voodoolady
October 30th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I wish I could blog about everything I was thinking or feeling. I still have an inner censor that won’t back down.
Maxi
October 30th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Fat Sparrow:
You’ve got GG tits and an itchy minge? Wanna come over to my place?
Radge:
Heckler’s. Those are the people with small knobs who shout unfunny things out at gigs, right?
Chris:
Well between the semi you have and the semi I have, we could give her one at least.
Voodoolady:
You have an inner censor? That’s like me saying I write for Wholesome Innocence Monthly.
Voodoolady
October 30th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Yes, what I say is only the half of it I’m afraid.
Fat Sparrow
October 31st, 2009 at 5:51 am
Are you springing for plane fare? ‘Cause we’ve got to get to Norn Iron anyway, and you’re a lot closer to it than I am now, and after living with my folks for 2 months I’m pretty sure the Spouse Sparrow would now be willing to rent me out to raise money. I’ll give you his e-mail and you can open up negotiations.
Radge
November 1st, 2009 at 11:35 am
Silence is consent.
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