Joss Stone

She’s from England, I think.  She speaks with an American accent, which is weird.  Although she used to sound like Justin Lee Collins, so it’s not all bad I suppose.

She’s madder than a bag of psyche ward shite, but she’s also partial to a bottle of red hair dye.  Which is nice.  But being nuttier than a monkey turd in a monkey nut factory means she also dyes her hair pink or blue of purple or baby vomit green or unicorn spunk turquoise.  But who doesn’t love a mad bint who is two drummers short of a doobie brothers?  You could fuck her all day if you wanted.  Of course you’d have to look past the fact that she’d be talking like an LA gang banger with the business end of a rowing oar up her arse.

Look at that.  Isn’t she just boingalicious?  I defy any man/woman/lady gaga not to get a massive hard on/wide on/all of the above to that look alone.  She looks like she’s ready to take it in all orifices, which I’d do.  Sure she uses Marmite as lube, but she’s tired and horny from Crayola-ing her hair to that state, so I’ll throw her a portion.

Stripey socks AND tartan?  Loopier than a loop da loop with Tabasco sauce smeared on it’s ring.  Still she’s probs got no knickers on so that’s always a turn up for the books.  Same hair though.  Tut tut.

It was so funny, I told her a joke to make her laugh like that.  Actually, I didn’t even get the whole thing out, all I got to was “homosapien” and she laughed so hard she wet the steps.  Then that made me laugh so hard I got a stiffy, but that just made her laugh harder.  Then I died inside, funny times.  But you kind of had to be there.

Ok so maybe she’s not that crazy.  I mean having to rub her elbows with a stick of celery while talking like John Shaft, is normal foreplay, right?  Fuck it, I don’t care if it is or not, I reckon she could deep throat a race horse, the kinky self loathing bitch.  If it didn’t make part of me feel weird, I’d thank her boundary crossing Uncle for making her the hound she is today.  But I’m a supportive kind of man.  I just sent him a gushing email with an attachment of her gushing.  He could never get her relaxed enough to get that done.  Score for me.

Here she is all nude,

She’s moist and in the mood,

Now it’s not like me to be crude,

But I’m gonna plug her up the arse.

Mmm, feet.  You may or may not know that I have a thing for feet.  Look at those cute little tootsies.  All suckable and fuckable.  She gives a great footjob and loves it when I splooge all over them.  Bless her though, she got confused and thought that I had actually lubed her foot up for more action.  Short story long, she got that foot so deep up my tight little pert ass, she was wearing me like an UGG boot.  It didn’t take much toe wriggling for her to tease my prostate into convulsions.  I thrashed around so much and my sphincter tightened so hard I nearly snapped her foot off at the ankle.  This caused me to gush all over her hand that she had wrapped around my massive 4 incher, and she made the same mistake again.  I still have a bangle up my arse.  I wouldn’t mind if it was one of those 80′s Egyptian walking fuck bunnies, but no.  I’m gaping.

And on that thought, I’ll leave you there.