Wankathon ‘09

I used to work with a guy who once said that he had wanked 7 times in a row out of pure boredom.  7 times!  I wasn’t convinced so I tried it for myself.  Didn’t work, couldn’t even finish the first one.  Can’t blame him really, I was just tugging away, no kissing or anything.  Maybe I should have told him how pretty he was, y’know make him feel comfortable.

Then it occured to me that I’d have more success if I tried it on myself.

So that’s what I did.

I sat myself in front of the lap top, dropped my drawers and hung them out the window for a freshening up and made myself comfortable.

Here’s how things went:

Wank #1 – With a quick look around Google images it didn’t take me long to find a site of faked naked pictures of Charlotte Church being done by Marge Simpson with a giant dildo.  Having prepared and not touched myself or had herself touch my special area for three days, it didn’t take long to get a chubby.  In fact, with the blisters and friction burns healing nicely so it certainly wasn’t long before I erupted 6 big porn style steaming strands of man sauce all over my belly.

Wank #2 – It took quite a few tissues to mop up the puddles.  I would have carried on, but jizz can clog up a key board sumtin rotten, so I thought it best.  With the fingers sucked wiped clean I was free to carry on.  Still stiff as a Fair City actor, I didn’t have to look far for my next visual aid.  I went looking for some dirty pictures of Smurfette.  I found some of her being DP’d by Papa Smurf and Gargamel.  That was working, but then a more erotic mood took me over and this picture finished off the job nicely.

Wank #3 – Not as much to clean up after #2, but still some knuckle over spill.  This one was going to involve a little more effort though.  I was going to need some moving picture stimulation.  I went to my favourite free streaming porn site and looked up anything with lesbians, twins, lesbian twins, redheads, redhead lesbians, redhead twins, redhead lesbian twins and/or amputees.  That did the trick, and much to my surprise I have cleaned the pipes for a third time.  And it was all done before the entire movie had even loaded up.

Wank #4 – On the same site, I clicked on a related video and ended up watching a video of a pair of redhead lesbian twins being initiated into their life in the nunnery.  Turned out half way through the film that the nuns all loved to force young girls to suck their toes.  Wank 4 AND 5 were done before I even knew what was going on.  Orgasm 4 didn’t offer much in the way of payload, but when I was looking down to check what had happened, orgasm 5 hit me right in the eye.  This was because one of the twins shouted from the laptop: “See, sis?  I told you that was how to eat an ass”. I ended up looking like I had the worst case of violently infected conjunctivitis.

Wank #6 – My cock is starting to give up on me at this stage.  I can feel that little twinge of horny within it, but it’s refusal to even sport a semi is worrying me.  This was going to call for drastic measures.  No amount of filthy porn was going to finish me off this time.  I went out to the balcony and peered over to the right.  Our new neighbours like to dry their clothes on the sheltered balcony.  Our balconies are only separated by a small wooden partition, so I reached around and got myself as many pairs of lacy undies that I could.  The sheer thrill was more exciting than the sheer material of the panties.  Once back on the couch, I stuffed one pair into my mouth, one pair wrapped around my now angry looking member and the last pair in my free hand to rub all over my nipples.  In no more than 47 seconds I had turned all pairs of knickers into gloppy clumps.  I don’t think I ejaculated this time as much as my cock vomited out of exhaustion.  Don’t give up yet.

Wank #7 – I went to hang the thongs back up to make sure they’d be crusty dry before the neighbours got back.  My cock has retreated back inside my body.  I set up preparations up for wank number 7 and a wave of melancholy sweeps over my balls.  I can’t help but think that my cock doesn’t want to go through any more.  I will not be discouraged.  Creative thinking is needed.  Trying to keep the spirit of seven wanks “in a row”, I have to act quickly.  I jump into the car and head to the local girls school.  Parking behind the basketball courts I wonder for a second if this is a primary or secondary school.  At this stage it doesn’t matter, all I can see are 20 girls running around in tight t shirts and shorts.  The ball is bounced over the fence and one particular little fuckmeister has to come and get it.  When she passes the car, I catch a glimpse of her cold nipples through her shirt.  That’ll be the last time she forgets her bra, on a rainy day no less.  (Note to self, check the classifieds for sports coach for young girls)  I fall in love with the coach who made them play in the rain.  Despite I was wanking the full length of my cock with my index finger and thumb I was able to fumble around long and frantically enough to utter a sneeze from it.

Wank #8 – On the way back to the apartment I pull in to check a text message from my neighbours.  Apparently they and some members of the police want to take a fluid sample.  Yeah, good luck with that.  Before I put the phone away a little old dear is walking by with bags of shopping.  A gust of wind knocks her over and I get to see right up her dress.  A combination of her struggling to get to her feet, her being out of breath and panicked lead me to reach inside my trousers and yank out another plead of mercy from my cock.  The orgasm is so strong that I hear a pop and look down to see I have spunked up a testicle.  A white flag where my right nut used to be is waving back at me.  Anyway, there’s no hope in the neighbours getting a fluid sample from me for at least a fortnight and by then this will have all blown over, so I decide to go back home.  The old lady on her back like a frantic carpet beetle is just plain funny now.  Feelings of shame, and self loathing are replaced by a feeling that all is right in the world again, so off I go.

Conlcusion – Well it took some creativity, illegal and questionable activity, but 7 wanks can be had in a row.  I even managed another one to boot.

I may just email that guy and tell him what I’ve accomplished.  If nothing else it will conjour up memories that he had long since buried containing me and a marigold glove schmeared in Crisp ‘n Dry.