Nyom nom nom

We watched a DVD the other night.

It’s about a girl who discovers she has teeth in her vagina.  Now we’ll get the childish and crude joke about that being one vicious cunt out of the way and move on.

It’s called “Teeth”.

Basically a girl who tours schools promoting purity and fighting your sexual urges discovers that her vagina is much different to the ones that other girls have.  She suffers from the age old condition of “Vagina Dentata”.  Don’t you hate it when that happens?

The film is a couple of years old and I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to see it, but it’s giving me a whole different outlook.

If I ever do some work experience in a gyno office, I won’t try to fit all four fingers into a virgin.

Nor will I piss a girl off mid coitus.

Why?

Her minge will chew you the fuck up.

SPOILER ALERT!  (That is, if you ever intend on purposely seeing this film)

Her boyfriend tries to have sex with her under a water fall, and he loses his winky.  You see the fallen one a minute later and nothing can prepare you.

Her gynaecologist loses his fingers while trying to wear her like a sock puppet.  He kind of had it coming though.

She gets revenge on another guy at the end of the film by seducing him and chomping his sausage off.  Then his dog eats it while he cries and screams on the bed.

All in all, I’ve seen worse films.  But I’ve never seen a film that made me appreciate every time I get to keep my weapon of ass destruction in a single piece.

***** ***** *****

Incidentally, for those few of you missing my usual daily updates, I’m still around.  I’m having a lot of fun over at my new venture – Boob.ie

Go and check me out, along with some other great writers.