Anna Faris

You know who I’ve been firing off knuckle children to this week?

Anna Faris.

Here she is, just absolutely wanktastic.

Ok, so she looks like she’s smiling politely at the intensely offensive gas assault I forced out during grace at her B list Hollywood dinner party, but she gets better.

Look at her there in all her ripped dress and champagne with that hazy far away look in her eye.  Reminds me of the time I kidnapped this moderately popular actress and despite her being helpless under the cocktail of internet ordered drugs, I ripped her dress to make it look like she did it in a frenzy of cock lust because she was lusting after my cock and then I took pictures of her on a bed next to a champagne bottle so that if things were to go wrong and I had to answer questions the next morning about the corpse that my penis was still inside that it would look like an overdose of cock lust and champagne.  Good times.

See that?

She should be looking at the camera, but instead she’s gazing off at me.  I’m at the barbecue cooking up one of her favourite sausages.  By that I mean I’m in nothing but a “Suck the cook” wipe clean apron while I wrap a lukewarm rib eye steak around my member as I stroke it and mouth the words “you’re next”.  Then I’ll make a joke about wanting to stick my hot dog in her bun and we’ll laugh like we’ve just wise cracked having just solved a Scooby Doo mystery.

Now she’s being coy and pretending that she’s misplaced all her clothes and has nothing to wear only that strategically placed bed sheet.  More fool her though.  Last time she played coy and accidentally naked at the same time she woke up in a hotel room in Singapore with me and her ladyboy lookalike.  The funny thing was that no matter how we tried to explain it, we just couldn’t explain that weird taste in her mouth.

This final picture, this picture.

Holy.  Fuck.  On.  A.  Stick.

This investment in screen wipes is just about to pay for itself.